The Sci-Fi Cast

George Lucas’ talent peaked with Star Wars: A New Hope.

Huge space ships, laser battles, crazy costumes, droids, the universal theme of good vs. evil and victory for the underdog. What’s not to love?

You’ll remember he didn’t direct The Empire Strikes Back or Return of the Jedi. George’s smaller role hid the fact that he wasn’t up to pulling off those films on his own. It was only after he began “enhancing” episodes IV – VI that the problem became evident.

The re-worked episode IV wasn’t too bad. The space battles were more impressive and the “blob of Vaseline” could no longer be seen underneath Luke’s Landspeeder.

Ultimately, it was the musical number in Jedi that signified the defiling of the Star Wars universe.

It was one of those moments that make you feel embarrassed for someone else. Embarrassed for Lucas. Embarrassed for the actors. Embarrassed for the artists whose names appear in the credits for that scene. It was the kind of thing a 10-year-old would enjoy, and that’s the problem.

George wants to make movies for kids. And that’s wonderful! We need more good ones. The problem is that he doesn’t realize it. If he lost some of the violence in The Phantom Menace and marketed it as a movie for kids, it would have been a huge success. A 10-year-old boy doesn’t care about a decent plot or well thought-out characters. All he wants is cool aliens, fast space ships and flying lasers. And really, that’s all Ep. 1 was.

Attack of the Clones wasn’t much better, nor was Revenge of the Sith. You can argue that Anakin burning up on the shore wasn’t for kids, and I agree. But hey, jr. can still enjoy the movie with his Revenge of the Sith lunch box. Or beach towel. Or ice cube tray.

That’s the other problem.

Lucas will license his creation to anyone. Forget Chewbacca on Deal or No Deal. I was watching QVC over the weekend (talk about camp … watch a grown man feign interest in a balsam wreath for 45 minutes. Now that’s entertainment) and they were pitching the cheapest piece-of-shit toys I’ve ever seen, all emblazoned with the Star Wars logo. George wants every penny you’ve got and has no shame in asking for it. Mel Brooks parodied his greed beautifull in Spaceballs. If Lucas could sell a Wookie Flamethrower, you bet your sweet ass he would.

Actually, he’d give you a CGI flamethrower that spews CGI flame onto CGI enemies. What fun.

That’s the final problem. George has been seduced by the dark side … of technology.

Yes, filmmakers can produce beautiful movies with the technology available to them today. Stunning films. Used artfully, CGI can enhance a film significantly.

Lucas has gone in the other direction, enhancing shots and sequences that don’t need it. There’s a real “because we can” feel. There’s no need for Padme to be talking to a CGI stormtrooper on the Tatooine sand. Put a human being in a plastic suit. There’s no need for every shot of Coursicant to be generated on a green screen. Build at least one physical set. Lord knows he has the money.

It’s no surprise that his next film, The Clone Wars, eschews reality all together as an animated feature.

It’s no surprise that The Clone Wars is simply a 90-minute advertisement for the forthcoming TV series.

It’s no surprise that the above scene from The Clone Wars is 4 minutes of repetitive and nearly dialogue-free shooting that will make the jr. high set flip their lids.

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away, I loved Star Wars. Before it turned evil. Before it was seduced by the dark side. And that makes me sad.