The Sci-Fi Cast

No matter how far man travels, or how distant into the future we look, science fiction writers can’t escape the need to surround the heroes we love with dangerous parasites. They typically infest starships, cling to the people around them like space-going viruses and wreak havoc on characters, equipment and story lines. Unfortunately we’re not talking alien body snatchers, sinister robots or beings from another dimension. We’re talking about the annoying children of science fiction.

You know who they are. They’re the ones typically written into stories to give the plot that “human” touch, but who usually end up grating on your nerves like nails on a chalk board. Sci-Fi writers love them, and with very few exceptions, fans almost always hate them. They come in all shapes, sizes and ages and we’ve dug though our repressed memories to bring you a list of the best (or worst) of them. Here are our picks for some of the most annoying children in sci-fi.

Star Trek’s Alexander Rozhenko
Cousin Oliver. Olivia Kendall. Spike Fonzarelli. Seemingly unrelated characters with one thing in common: They appeared on prime time TV shows to increase the cuteness factor. It’s a problem as old as television itself:  Adorable child actors become awkward teens (or suave leads grow a gut). Desperate, producers have enlisted cute kiddies to revitalize shows like The Brady Bunch. And The Cosby Show. And Happy Days.

And Star Trek.

When everyone’s favorite Klingon, Worf, did the nasty with K’Ehleyr, the result was Alexander Rozhenko, who returned to the Enterprise to live with dear old dad in the episode New Ground. Worf … and the rest of us … were never the same.

I love Michael Dorn’s Worf. When he’s in costume, I believe that he is that character. By contrast, Brian Bonsall just seems like a litte boy with a turtle on his head. Whether he was taking the fall for some other kid’s imaginary friend or receiving messages from his full-grown future self (you knew that had to happen eventually), poor Alexander’s stories rarely moved me to an emotion beyond impatience. The pinnacle was the episode A Fistful of Datas, in which the holodeck went crazy (Again. Why they didn’t just dismantle that damn thing is beyond me) and the crew dressed like cowboys in the wild west.* Ugh.

I’m sure you were a good kid, Alexander, and you did have your tender moments. But all in all, I wish you had remained where no Klingon child had gone before.

Battlestar Galactica’s Hera
Not since V’s “Star Child” has there ever been such an important, and utterly annoying child character on a major science fiction show as BSG’s Hera. Hailed as the key to the survival of both the cylon and human races, Hera ended up being little more than a deux ex machina that mattered little and usually got underfoot.

The child of Karl “Helo” Agathon and Sharon “Athena” Valerii, Hera could often be seen running through the Great Opera House in Laura’s visions and generally getting kidnapped every half a season or so. The show often centered around plots having to do with Hera or her parents but Ron Moore and company never gave us a reason to grow fond of the little tyke. We’ve counted a grand total of perhaps 3 lines of dialog for Hera in the entire four seasons of BSG and that just doesn’t cut it. In the end, even the ill-fated Boxey had more dialog than Hera did which made the final mission to rescue her in “Daybreak” even more difficult to swallow.

Star Wars’ Anakin Skywalker
If ever there was a poster child for the most annoying kid in sci-fi history, Jake Lloyd’s Anakin Skywalker has to be it. Born on the desert world of Tatooine as the son of a junk-yard slave, Anakin would later grow up to be the biggest heavy in a galaxy far, far away – Darth Vader. As a child however, Anakin had more in common with the Little Rascals than the Dark Lord of the Sith. Lloyd’s portrayal as Anakin had a whole range of annoying habits, the least of which was not knowing how to act.

Anakin also had tendencies to wear head protection that was 3 sizes too big, say annoying things like “Wizard!” all the time and piece together protocol droids for fun. But perhaps his worst trait was his in-ability to actually shed tears for his poor, abandoned mother. Upon learning the Jedi have agreed to whisk him away for life, young Anakin runs off to his room to pack yelling “Yipee!”, never for one second thinking “What about mom?” Call us crazy, but it’s no wonder this self-absorbed, sand rat eventually grew up to be the asthmatic villain that subjugated an entire universe.

*At least Counselor Troi looked good in her leather pants.