Artificial intelligence research has progressed by leaps and … oh, who are we kidding? It sucks! A robot that can navigate a maze of pink Post-It Notes? Really? That’s the best we can do? Where are the cylons? Where’s Daryl Hannah in Bladerunner? Heck, where’s Bender?

I’ll tell you why we don’t have those things yet. In fact, it’s because of them! Every time we get a new movie like I, Robot or that forthcoming Bruce Willis stink bomb, it features sentient, pissed-off androids whose only motivation is to destroy human kind. Sure, it makes for an exciting movie but it hinders the MIT AI lab!

“Sure, I’ll fund your project,” says the wealthy investor. “It looks incredible. Here’s a a check for 10 million dollars. Who do I make this out … Hey, wait a minute. Aren’t these robots just going to rise up and enslave us?”

“Well no, Mr. High Profiled Investor. That’s just fiction and …”

“Don’t pull that over on me! I’ve seen The Stepford Wives!”

With this in mind, we’re begging sci-fi writers everywhere. Please write docile, helpful robots into your stories. We’re talking R2. We’re talking Rosie. But don’t do it for us, do it for these pathetic souls.

Look here for more on why robots suck.